Potato Bacon Soup

Do not panic if you lose the can opener!

Potato and Bacon soup is really easy to make. Try it once, and you will never turn to the dark side again!

What you will need...
3 cloves of garlic (or less if you are a big wuss in a frilly girl's blouse. Personally, I like my garlic)
black pepper
1 onion
Diced bacon (about a billiard ball's worth)
5 medium potatoes (medium potato is one where you pick it up, and it sits really nice in your hand... really comfortably... the weight is juuuuuust right... can you hear the voices....they are telling you that this potato was created for a purpose, and that one purpose in it's life is to be pelted gracefully at that stack of gourmet stuffed olives over there... if you knock them all down, you might win a prize... right?)
or, if you want to get tricky, substitute some potatoes for sweet potatoes... that's what I do, and it's still really nice...
a coupla dashes of olive oil. (or other vegetable oil)
2 cups of water.
(aboots... this is cooking, not chemical science)
a large saucepan
a packet of cigarettes & a lighter

OK. Dice your onion, garlic and potatoes. Heat your saucepan over a medium heat, add a dash of olive oil, and pop in the onion, pepper and garlic. Push them around the bottom of the saucepan until the onions start to clear (so shiny!). Add another dash of oil, and the diced bacon. Push that around the pan until it starts to stick a little, or you get bored, which ever comes first. Add the 2 cups water, then the potatoes. Pop the lid on, and increase heat to full until the water boils. Give him a stir, turn the heat back down to medium, and go outside and have 2 cigarettes. (15-20 min)

When you come back in and stir him, the potatoes should start to crumble apart a little. Keep the lid off, and keep on stirring until it's a niiiiice thick consistency. There should still be chunks of potato, but no clear liquid. Bash assorted flatmates over the head with your ladle, and make them set the table. They will be hesitant to leave the proximity of the soup. Be firm. It is only an olfactory dependency. Explain this to them. Use more violence to get them to back off enough so you can serve the soup.